Insurance Humour Edition #2

By Krista DeKuyper | July 18, 2018 | Humour

We’re happy to say that the time has come for “Insurance Humour Edition #2”.

Once again, we’ve looked high and low for the best insurance jokes, and here is what we found.

We hope we can bring a smile to your face and a laugh to your lips.

An insurance salesperson, an office clerk and their boss are walking to lunch when they find a bottle on the sidewalk.

One of them picks the bottle up and rubs it, and presto! Out pops a magical genie!

The genie says to them “I can give each one of you a wish that will come true”.

 “Me first, me first”, says the clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas right now, driving a big boat and not having a care in the world.”. After saying this the clerk disappears right in front of their eyes!

“I’m next”, says the insurance salesperson. “I want to go to Hawaii, meet the love of my life and live happily ever after”. And just like that, the salesperson disappears!

Finally, it is their manager’s turn. “My clerk and salesperson can do what they want over the lunch hour” says their boss, “but I want them back here at 1 PM sharp, we’ve got a lot of work to do”!

A military induction center gets some new personnel whose job it is to talk to new recruits about getting GI life insurance.

After awhile it’s brought to the attention of the centre’s commanding officer that one of their new advisors is getting almost all of the recruits to sign up for GI insurance.

Intrigued, the commanding officer decides to sit on one of these sessions.

The new advisor gives a brief introduction to GI insurance, after which he says “If you get killed in battle and have GI insurance the government has to pay out $200,00 to the plan’s beneficiaries. If you are killed in the line of duty and do not have that insurance the government only has to pay out $6,000 as a result”.

The advisor concludes by saying “Which group of people do you think they will send into battle first”?

An insurance agent is talking to a woman about getting life insurance and finds out that her husband already has a life insurance policy.

“Can you tell me what the face value of that policy is”? asks the agent.

The woman replies “What do you mean?”

“Well”, says the agent, “What would you get if your husband passes away, heaven forbid”?

The woman thinks about for a second, and then says “I think I’d get a poodle”.

A farmer’s barn burns down, and the next day the farmer’s wife calls the insurance company.

“Our barn just burned down and I think we had it insured for $50,000” she says. “I’d like to collect that money”.

“Hold on there for a second”, says the insurance agent. “That isn’t exactly how this thing works. What’s going to happen is that we determine the value of everything that was destroyed, and then we will provide a new barn of equal value along with some compensation for the destroyed contents.”

The farmer’s wife thinks about this for second and then replies “In that case, I’d like to cancel our life insurance policy”!

A genius has trouble relating to people and thinks it is because of his high IQ. One day he has had enough and goes to a doctor for help.

“Doctor”, he says, “I need your help. I just cannot relate to people., and I think it is because of my IQ”.

The doctor runs some tests, and sure enough his IQ is incredibly high.

Upon finding out the test results he asks the doctor if there is anything he can do. She says to him “Well, there is a new procedure that is guaranteed to lower your IQ, but it is still experimental.”

“I don’t care about that”, says the genius. “I just want to have a social life”!

The genius signs a waiver, and soon afterwards he undergoes the new procedure.

A few days later the doctor gets a call from the hospital, asking her to come see the former genius due to difficulties he was having.

She rushes to the hospital and finds him staring at nothing with a rather vacant expression. Concerned, the doctor snaps her fingers and says “say something” in a loud voice! The man reacts with a start and says in a loud voice “Can I interest you in a life insurance policy”?

A persistent insurance salesman meets a business owner in her office.

“You should feel honoured” says the business woman. “I’ve turned away sales people at least 7 times today”.

“I know” replied the salesman. “I’m them”.